Hmmm, its been a month since I visited my blog and a month since I took a look at other people’s blogs. Today during the security check or whatever they call it, I decided to take a look around and see what I find. Zankarst’s blog is completely dead, iangelial has some OVA series coming about and many of the blogs are… well just dead and unupdated. However, two blogs gave me some inspiration, gave me some motivation, and well, they just made me feel good. These are the blogs of Anthony and Randy, more known by you guys as Uhai and ShyMayhem.

I admit school’s been hectic the last month. I was in a “I just want it to be over” mode and because of that, Ive neglected many things. Randy and I used to talk once in a while but we havent talked in the longest time and well… I never log onto aim so I havent talked to Uhai in ages. However, visiting both their blogs, I see that they’re both doing well. I see that Randy has turned his life around and Im happy for him. I remember talking to him last semester, and his life was going down the drains with adjustments to University and whatnot. However, it seems he’s figured things out. As for Anthony? Well, his blog is now filled with Bible Study material. I never thought it would take such a twist but both have seemed to find meaning in their lives, something greater to replace the role maple had in their lives. They both have something to live for, something to keep them occupied. For that, Im happy for them.

As for myself, Ive had a VERY hectic while. I definitely have purpose in my life, I definitely know the direction Im going in, but at the same time, I have no idea regarding the details, no ideas regarding the finer points. Im a person who loves to think, who loves to just sit back and let scenarios and brainstorms run through my mind. Perhaps that is my downfall as Ive always been hesitant to do anything and even when Im not hesitant, Im just… mediocre. For a few weeks in my life, I was just confused, annoyed, distressed but that’s over now.

I’ll start with April 12th, my baptism. Ive been thinking of getting baptized for the longest time. My parents have been asking me since I was 11 when I was going to get baptized but I had always realized that a baptism is a commitment between myself and God. I wasnt about to enter into a commitment I wasnt ready for, a commitment I couldnt keep. Its been a long ride, Ive fallen away from God, slowly come back and walked with strides of confidence in him and come to where I am now and I finally felt myself ready to make this commitment and did. The day of my baptism, I hung out with a few friends I had met on maple. Jason, Barry, Cindy and I went for Ramen at Parker, then went and watched Fast and Furious at the Richmond SilverCity. The movie was pretty good (even though Ive never watched the others so I cant really compare… but I did enjoy it so… yeah) and afterwards we went our separate ways. Jason and Barry gave me a ride to my church and as much as I hoped they’d stay, just to perhaps give them a view of what church is, they went home. However, Melvin, another maple friend did show up and stayed for most of it (though left before my testimony =P). What can I say? The baptism was what I thought it would be and I really appreciated all the people who came to watch it. Many people were surprised I was able to do my testimony in Cantonese as… well, Im more fluent in English and cant read Cantonese if my life depended on it.

With that in mind, I definitely dont regret getting baptized at the time I did. However, I felt that the timing definitely could’ve been better. School ended the Thursdsay before Good Friday and exams started right after Easter Monday. I had my piano jury on Tuesday, my Musicianship oral exam on Wednesday, a paper due Thursday and finals on Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday the week after.

The jury went well. I played my pieces as well as I could, and though I kinda messed up the sight reading, I was pleased with how I did. Then everything went downhill. For the Wednesday oral examination, I was studying the night before. Im a <pretty decent> student at the course so just studying the night before is enough. I took out the sheet and studied everything, then went to sleep. When I got to school the next day, 20 minutes before my exam, I realized I had studied the midterm sheet instead of the final one. They were the same color and I had picked up the wrong one and… yeah >_>. In the end, they didnt let me completely take the final so I was basically guaranteed a fail/withdraw (withdraw = a nicer sounding fail… and it doesnt look as bad on a transcript… it means you failed, but put enough effort into it that we dont fail you) and that ruined my day. I had no time to dwell on this because I had a history paper due the next day and had yet to start. Im usually able to write papers in a few hours, but this one took 2-3 times the length and I ended up sleeping at 5 am. I woke up at 1 pm, finished off the paper and handed it in at 3, 1 hour before the deadline.

After that, I still had no rest: I had 4 finals left still. The first was Music History. This was to me the most challenging exam as most of the exam was based on stuff discussed in class and because the classes were pretty early (9:30… shush, I know), I slept in and missed a bunch of them. I had no idea how to study for it and just slapped together as much information as I can and went in there and took the exam. The rest of the exams came by like nothing and I just went through the motions of taking them. Im a person who does my studying in class: By going to class, I gather and understand the concepts, and when it comes to study for the final, I just have to look over my notes once and Im set. With that, I entered my finals after an hour or two of studying and did relatively well (the grades arent out yet, but I know I did fine).

With all that in mind, I felt burned out. Hell, I WAS burned out. I felt dead and didnt want to do anything. I didnt want to face all this and took it as it came. I had considered taking summer courses but I had no idea what to take. By the time I did decide, all the courses were full. I was considering an English Literature minor/double major with my music and in order to do that, I would have to take English 220, a course that was full ages ago.

Miraculously, a spot opened up last night and I jumped on it so Im taking summer there now. As Ive said before, I have no idea where Im going, but as the steps appear in front of me, I’ll have the courage to take them and move forward wherever He leads me.

With that in mind, Im starting to see the direction in my life once more. The first is in a sermon two weeks ago. The sermon was regarding the topic of arrogance and pride and how to deal with it. This sermon really stood out to me and I still remember what it was about. It talked of humility and direction in life: My life belongs to God and he will lead me where ever he wants me to be.

Another thing was lunch today. I had lunch with a fellow Christian friend today and we talked about many things. He might not know it, but out of it, I got lots of encouragement. To be honest, I havent been doing devotions or praying regularly for the last two or three months. However, talking with him, seeing God work in his life, seeing the reassuring support that he gave me, it just encouraged me to work harder to serve the Lord. I know you’ll never read this, but thank you Peter, and thank the Lord for bringing you into my company and offering me support.

In the next few months, lots of church related music things are coming up: Singspiration for a Bible Study the last week of May, Praise and Worship June 6th, Gospel Camp Labor Day weekend. There are many things coming up and many things to prepare and while often times I might forget about it, the last few weeks has reminded me of the attitude I should hold towards this: Its not about me, its about the Lord. I have nothing to boast of, I have nothing to be proud of, for it is all given to me by the Lord. My role is to use what the Lord has given me to his glory and for the furthering of his kingdom. I will take this role with humility and diligence and work as the Lord wishes.

With that, I move onto the topic of Maple: As I mentioned at the beginning of this entry, Uhai and Randy have moved onto greater things. However, I still remain here. I honestly believe that there’s still purpose for me in this game. I know some of you will think Im crazy for thinking that religion can be related to this game, but the fact of the matter is, the people who play this game are real people: This is an outlet for me to reach others. I have been told by countless people that they have been inspired by my work, both in video format, music format and story. Ive always intended Retalion/ALastReprise to be a trilogy. Yes, many side stories have branched out from it in the form of the Anniversary video, the phoenix video, and the Tespia video but ultimately, it is a trilogy: Retalion, Reprise and Reminiscing Reveries. Retalion and Reprise have already been seen and Im sure most if not all of you have seen them and all tha’ts left is Reminiscing Reveries.

Reminiscing Reveries as some of you may know is the title of my collection of music (which one day, I still do intend to release). This is also the title of my last video. Ive thought of MANY plots for it and had initially intended it as a 130 video; the level that Retalion never reached. Then it was going to be a 150 video; marking the maxing of the bowmaster trinity (SE, Bow Expert, Hurricane) but my fraps footage from that died for some reason so I dont have it. That leaves me at… 160. What’s so special about 160? Nothing. And that’s exactly why it’s special, because it’s not special at all. Just as Im just another person, this is just another video. Ive been thinking through it, thinking up ideas, drawing inspiration, writing music (yes, I can do it again… kind of.. nothing like I used to, but it’s somewhat coming) and just plotting ideas. That being said, Im 154 right now so I still have a ways to go but it’ll definitely come. I’ll hopefully find time to gain these last few levels soon and go from there. When will you expect this by? Who knows. You’ve been waiting for the finale since I hit 120 last February so a few more months wont hurt. Hell, many people like Cindy have given up all expectations of it and I dont blame her and others. However, I do want to finish this and hope I will one day. When that day comes, I hope I wont disappoint.

That’s all I have to say for now, with that, I sign off for now,

~Jackk