I follow sports pretty regularly, and in the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing a lot of “best of the decade” stuff: The top 10 NHL moments of the decade, the decade all-star basketball teams, the top 20 tennis players of the decade, the list goes on. This was when I got hit by an ephiphany: What was I like 10 years ago? It was not until I thought about that, that I realized that 10 years ago seemed a REALLY long time. People say time flies, but looking back a decade, I felt the opposite: I felt “man, SO MANY things have changed in the last decade in my life”

Perhaps it’s because Im still young, and because a decade makes up half my life, but I felt tonnes have changed. 10 years ago, I was 10, about to enter into “middle school”. I had not met my current best friend yet…hell, I was worried about having no friends because my “best friend” at the time left for a different school. I was a kid who was completely obsessed with academics and doing well in it. I was interested in all subjects not called PE and did well in all subjects not called PE. 10 years ago, the answer to “What do you want to be when you grow up” was still “Anything but a pastor/church worker or pianist”….What am I majoring in now? Music. What do I spend most of my time doing work for? Church and the glory of God.

10 years ago, I was still playing and trading hockey cards, and the computer would be located in my dad’s room, with dial-up internet. I’d spend hours every night playing NHL 99 on one player, slowly playing till I got good enough to win at the top level. My favorite team at the time was the Colarado Avalanche, because they had Joe Sakic, my favorite player. Hockey was the only sport that mattered to me. NHL 99 was the only reason to use the computer. If I ever went on the internet, it was to look at hockey statistics and scores. I’d have my dad bring home the paper from the day before every day so I could read the news, but only the sports sections, and only the hockey section. What sports do I follow now? All of them. My favorite hockey team? The San Jose Sharks. My favorite player? Still Joe Sakic, though he has retired, with Evgeni Nabokov being my favorite active one. Other favorite teams? Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Cleveland Cavaliers. Reading newspapers? Done online on ESPN now. Playing hockey games? Not at all, replaced by online games, manga, anime, web browsing, etc.

I’m not exactly sure why I remember this, but I remember 10 years ago and looking forward. It was something like this: The next ten years are important (I was 10 at the time)…in a year, I’ll be in middle school, in 3, I’ll be a teenager, in 5, I’ll be at a new school, in 6 I can get my driver’s liscense, in 8, I’ll be an adult and done with high school, in 9, I’ll be legal, in 10, I’ll be in my 20’s. Now looking back? None of them seemed too important. They’re all just another milestone in the road, a milestone that meant nothing. I felt like I went to hell and back in the last 10 years. I went from a quiet boy with no friends, to a teen with many friends, to an adolescent who felt abandoned by his friends, to an adult who realized I have as many friends as I allow myself to have, depending on who I open up my heart to.

I feel as if I’ve grown exponentially in the last few years. I’ve realized how naive I was back when I was younger, how my mindset and views have changed as I’ve grown older and gotten to understand and appreciate things. I’ve swung from one extreme to the other, before finally settling somewhere in between. As I’ve always quoted myself, “Looking at the past, seeing how far I’ve come, staring back in awe”, I’ve made leaps and strides and how far I’ve come certainly has me in amazement. Heck, looking back 10 years, Im on a path that I would’ve never expected, not in my wildest imaginations. Never when I was 10 would I think I’d be here writing a blog, never 10  years ago would I have thought that I’d be writing music, never would I have thought that I’d open up myself to people once more, never would I have thought that I’d believe in God once more.

At the age of 10, I didnt understand what any of this meant, I didnt understood the magnitude of change that would occur in 10 years, and at 20, I wonder to myself, if I still truly understand. Just like I felt when I was 10, I feel the same when I look forward 10 years now. In 10 years, I will have University behind my back, I will be working somewhere (hopefully), I’ll probably have moved out, I might be married, I might have kids (that’s actually quite a terrifying thought…thinking how Im nowhere close to ready now, but at the same time looking at some of my mentors, both of whom just turned 30ish, both of whom are married and have kids… I could be like that in 10 years). What will I be saying when I look back at this post in 10 years? Hell, will I even be around in 10 years? What will I be thinking? What will I know? How foolish would these thoughts feel then?

It’s strange, I consider myself a serious person, and have since I was roughly 14, which I felt was the beginning of growing up. I always felt I was a “no nonsense” kinda person, a person who is somewhat mature, and thinks about deep matters. However, even that has changed. Just last week, at a Christmas party, a friend that I met a few years ago told me that I was funny. This friend returning from London has made me think of many things, of how I’ve changed even in the last 3 years. How I was a completely introverted person when I left high school and entered University, and how I’ve gradually opened up as I entered University and have grown since then. She was the person who showed me around University when I first entered, and we only said hi to each other when we ran into each other first year. In second year, we talked a bit more, though I still felt uncomfortable talking to people. And now, as she returns, I can talk to her, and other people normally, as friends. I wouldnt say Im completely social, that there are still awkward, quiet moments, but Im getting there. It’s all part of growing up. I would never consider myself to be a funny person, and I still dont, but yet another friend said the exact same thing a few days ago, and another girl said the exact same thing earlier today. It makes me wonder, has my personality changed so much? It also makes me wonder, how will I change in the next 10 years.

Regardless of what the previous 10 years held, and what the future 10 years hold, I’ve realized Im not going to try looking forward. Whatever happens is going to be beyond my wildest imaginations, whatever happens will be filled with surprises, both good and bad, whatever happens will be unexpected, but that’s what makes life worth living, that’s what makes life fun and exciting.

I have nothing to offer this Christmas, but I wish you all the best (though its over), and to remember the true reason for the season.

~Jackk

Lets see, it’s Sunday 11 pm, and I have a playing class/Christmas party at my piano teacher’s house at 10:30 am tomorrow.

I’m playing Chopin’s Etude Op. 10 No. 3, a work that many of you have probably heard before in popular culture. At the moment, I’m almost ready…another hour, and it should be set for playing. Yes, that’s right, Im still learning the song a day before I have to play it.

Dont get me wrong, it’s going to sound okay, but the problem is, it’d sound so much better if I actually started practicing it a month ago, when I picked it up. Like really, if I can do all this in a few days, what could I have done with it with months? Part of it is the lightbulb effect, in which things dont work until the lightbulb switches on, but I dont know when it does, and I cant turn it on, so I have to wait for it. Part of it is damn laziness. I sometimes wish I had the willpower to practice when it mattered, to have a linear improvement instead of an exponential one. If I practiced properly, I’d do so much better, but… of course, if all the ifs in the world came true, then life would be so much better for everyone.

As it is now, I guess I’ll just continue practicing, and hope for the best, which is the best I can do in a short period of time. Seems like the only way I work is under pressure, unfortunately >_>

 ~Jackk

Lets see…

I’m still alive.

I’m still working on my final video.

I dont log on very much but go on maple once in a while.

What else is new?

Exams.

More exams.

Assignments.

Lack of sleep.

Moving out.

Thoughts…lots and lots of thoughts.

Ideas…lots and lots of ideas.

What was the purpose of this post? Absolutely nothing.

I DO have two things to say though.

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